[before the invention of electricity]
judge: I sentence you to death by the acoustic chair
— M@thew (@TweetPotato314) March 1, 2019
Google: and you want to represent us?
Me: yes, I am very qualified
Google: our file says you searched “how to pretend to be a lawyer” from the waiting room
Me: overruled
— M@thew (@TweetPotato314) February 23, 2019
Jesus: is your mom a virgin too
Oedipus: can we talk about something else
— M@thew (@TweetPotato314) February 20, 2019