This little boy I’m babysitting asked me where babies come from & I panicked and said trees. So now we’re outside looking at trees seeing if there’s any ripe babies ready to be plucked so he can have a brother.
— Dave (@tufdave) February 14, 2026
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Living room remote disappeared for two days. Half-jokingly asked our 3-year-old if she knew where it was.
— David Ubben (@davidubben) February 14, 2026
She said yes. She tucked it in a backpack in the closet of the guest bedroom. Went and showed us.
Good times.
boyfriend just repeated several times in his sleep really fast “he is a tall elf, he has elven influence. talk to him.” followed by a slew of fast nonsense syllables that somehow sounded cohesive like a real language. happy valentines day
— hil (@plume__) February 14, 2026
the tapas restaurant was giving out a rose to each couple but offered us (lesbians) both a rose, which begs the question – if straight couples get one rose (for one woman) and lesbians get two roses (for two women), how many roses does a gay male couple get? pic.twitter.com/bbluq6C7Ri
— sissy sub richard nixon (@nixmao) February 14, 2026
he doesn't know he's getting his balls chopped off in 6 hours pic.twitter.com/n3bW07SqJ6
— nic (@dietxcokewhore) February 15, 2026
