It's cute when kids say what they want to be when they grow up. You're gonna write emails on the computer buddy

— Borscht the T is silent (@InternetHippo) April 3, 2024

We made it too hard to rob banks I think. You should have a solid ~30% chance of getting away with it. This would be healthy for society in ways I don't have time to explain

— Borscht the T is silent (@InternetHippo) February 24, 2024

"Skin to skin contact?" We are coddling our children and leaving them unprepared for the real world. When my kid was born the only thing I gave him was the hospital bill and a firm handshake

— Proud Reflux-American (@InternetHippo) January 23, 2024

Worst part of a corporate job is no tips. Someone should slip you a $20 if you write a killer email

— Mr. California (@InternetHippo) December 2, 2023

You could get the same experience for a fraction of the cost if you buy a smaller tv and sit closer to it

— Mr. Midwest (@InternetHippo) December 1, 2023

I love charging all my devices. I am keeping them healthy and strong. This is a form of parenthood to me

— Mr. Midwest (@InternetHippo) November 26, 2023

This girl should run for congress actually https://t.co/bbVWvAILIU

— I'm on bluesky now (@InternetHippo) October 25, 2023

Actually getting stupider over time is the most human trait AI can have pic.twitter.com/cx9IKd1GPs

— Arriving 30 minutes early (@InternetHippo) July 21, 2023

oh you can't trick me with the listening face sir. i know that face. i make that face on zoom calls every single day https://t.co/eT9oA8vqnR

— Mr. Bedtime (@InternetHippo) May 8, 2023