6-year-old: I had a nightmare.
Me: What was it about?
6: I had to eat carrots.
She'll never sleep again.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) May 7, 2021
Me: *looks at houses on the internet*
9-year-old: Are we going to move?
Me: No. I'm just looking and dreaming.
9: At least look at castles.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) October 20, 2021
mais on EST fatigué frere https://t.co/rjbTKhq9uN
— nåtie (@xaosun) October 18, 2021
Jure les gens ils font la queue à Paris pour lécher un Biscuit ?! #SquidGame pic.twitter.com/BXYYl3NANK
— ⋅.˳˳ꄞ (@xoflorian) October 2, 2021
11-year-old: I'm having trouble with my math homework.
Me: How can I help?
11: Get Mom.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) October 13, 2021
7-year-old: I need a sword! Now!
Me: Why?
7: There's a bee in the kitchen.
No further explanation needed.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) September 29, 2021
Envie de mourir, j'ai une angine on dirait que ya de la vie martienne dans ma gorge, et tout ce à quoi je pense c'est "putain quand tout va bien on se rend pas compte que c'est bien de pas être MALADE"
— Xari (@Xari_) September 24, 2021
7-year-old: Do I look taller?
Me: No.
7: *eats a fifth chicken nugget* How about now?
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) September 10, 2021
Me: Who do you talk with at lunch?
7-year-old: I don't know.
Me: You don't know?
7: I'm not there to talk. I'm there to eat.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) September 9, 2021
9-year-old: Dad?
Me: Yeah?
9: Are the Ninja Turtles named after the painters, or are the painters named after the Ninja Turtles?
Me: Nobody knows.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) September 5, 2021