Bear Grylls *drinking urine* sometimes you have to do this to survive
Barista: You will literally be served next
— Jon (@ArfMeasures) October 21, 2018
Her: You wanna Netflix and chill?
Me: I don't have Netflix
Her: It means sex
Me: Oh right no I don't have that either
— Jon (@ArfMeasures) March 26, 2019
Son: Can I go on the xbox?
Me: No it's too violent, you should play family games like I used to
[30 years ago]
Me: I think the professor was strangled in the library with a rope— Jon (@ArfMeasures) March 3, 2019
Dad: If someone is mean to you, that means they like you
Me: EVERYONE likes me???
— Jon (@ArfMeasures) February 28, 2019