Gandalf: are you ready for an adventure

Bilbo: no

Gandalf: can i come in for tea

Bilbo: also no

Gandalf: dinner with my friends?

Bilbo: i feel like you aren't hearing me

Gandalf: no i am it's ju- *stooping under the door* it's just i really don't give a shit what you want

— Quilliam (@nyquills) July 20, 2020

Gandalf: what up frodo?

Frodo: just been chilling in The Shire my entire life like every hobbit ever except for that time you made Bilbo walk thousands of miles for a shiny stone

Gandalf: cool cool

Frodo:

Gandalf:

Frodo:

Gandalf: so are you into jewelry and walking a lot or

— Quilliam (@nyquills) March 2, 2021

[Deathbed]

Gandalf: *struggling to sit up* Frodo

Frodo: yes Gandalf?

Gandalf: theres something i always wanted to say

Frodo: *tearing up at the thought of being told he is like a son to him* yes?

Gandalf: we- *dying breath* we totally could have rode the eagles the whole way

— Quilliam (@nyquills) August 19, 2020

Gandalf: yo i'm back from isengard had to ride a fucken eagle to get here what’s up

Elrond: the ring must be destroyed

Frodo: i'll carry it

Gandalf: oh damn that's a long ass walk dude i hope you have comfy shoes

Frodo: wait didn't you say you rode an eagle here

Gandalf: no

— Quilliam (@nyquills) February 24, 2020

You know that scene in Lord of the Rings where Legolas is sliding down some stairs on a shield and shoots like ten orcs but then like impales one of them with the shield and stabs another with an arrow at the end of the stairs?

Balloon Animal Guy: absolutely not

— Quilliam (@nyquills) August 16, 2020

Aragorn: Legolas what do your elf eyes see?

Legolas: The Uruks have turned northeast. They're taking the hobbits to Isengard!

Aragorn: Legolas what does your 𝘌𝘭𝘧 nose smell?

Legolas: *visibly annoyed* Uruks

Aragorn: Legolas what do your 𝐄𝐥𝐟 ears hear?

Legolas: racism.

— Quilliam (@nyquills) September 21, 2019