My kids saw mail I received that was addressed to me as “Mr.” and then my 9yo asked “Why do you have a mister in front of your name? I didn’t know you were an important person.”

— My Life As Dad (@milifeasdad) April 15, 2024

6yo: Daddy, houses cost a lot of money. Can I just take your house when I grow up?

Me: Where would mommy and I live?

6yo: Basement.

— My Life As Dad (@milifeasdad) March 25, 2024

Some of the cool things my 6yo girl has told me about how her day was at school include “I got an award” and “Today, a group of boys were being mean to me and I only made 5 of them cry.”

— My Life As Dad (@milifeasdad) March 19, 2024

My 6yo was crying because she needed $5 for school, which my wife didn’t immediately have, so I told her I'd get her the money later, and she said “You don’t have money, only mommy does.”

— My Life As Dad (@milifeasdad) March 11, 2024

9yo: What’s a New Year’s resolution?

Me: A change you want to make for the new year. Like reading more or spending less time on the iPad.

9yo: Oh OK! My New Year’s resolution will be to spend less time at school.

— My Life As Dad (@milifeasdad) January 1, 2024

Sure sex is great but has your kid’s Saturday morning swim class ever been cancelled?

— My Life As Dad (@milifeasdad) October 16, 2022