Who called it Star Wars and not “How I met my father”

— Ghostface Kryllah (@kryzazzy) May 4, 2024

“I hope you two will be really happy together”
– Me to two similar single socks who’ve lost their mates

— Ghostface Kryllah (@kryzazzy) March 30, 2024

Remember sleeping through the night and waking up refreshed? That was wild

— Ghostface Kryllah (@kryzazzy) March 20, 2024

“Please don’t answer, Please don’t answer, Please don’t answer…”

Me, anytime I am making a phone call

— Ghostface Kryllah (@kryzazzy) February 25, 2024

It’s a scientific fact that men get more pockets on their clothing than women because they need to carry around all that audacity

— Ghostface Kryllah (@kryzazzy) February 12, 2024

I asked one of my students today if he had ever heard of the Beastie Boys and he told me he doesn’t listen to boy bands, so no, I’m not okay

— Ghostface Kryllah (@kryzazzy) January 23, 2024

You can’t hurt me, you’re not one of my students asking me if we had electricity when I grew up in the late 1900’s

— Ghostface Kryllah (@kryzazzy) December 16, 2023

When I adopted my cat the shelter told me he has been known to stress eat and can get angry when he wants food and honestly I’ve never related to anything more in my life

— Ghostface Kryllah (@kryzazzy) April 30, 2022

Alexa, play “Kung Fu Fighting” pic.twitter.com/I7WSlT1MUi

— Ghostface Kryllah (@kryzazzy) March 25, 2022