someone tried to scam my grandpa by pretending to be me saying “hey grandpa, it’s your grandson, i’m stranded in europe and i need you to wire me $5,000” and my grandpa was just like “…robert would never be in europe”
— Robert Schultz (@_RobertSchultz) November 22, 2022
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my boss was like “people working from home are just pretending to work” and it’s like, dude, what do you think i’m doing in the office?
— Robert Schultz (@_RobertSchultz) June 4, 2022
“can you explain this gap in your resume?” yeah, that was when i felt joy for the only time in my adult life
— Robert Schultz (@_RobertSchultz) July 26, 2021
My freshman year roommate sat me down Day 1 and was like “Heads up: I’ll be bringing lots of girls and maybe even some guys to the dorm this year so, if that scares you, grow up cuz this ain’t high school!”
Anyway, he brought one girl back the whole year and now they’re married.
— Robert Schultz (@_RobertSchultz) July 9, 2020