me: i would like to buy a piano

yamaha: ok

me: i’d also like to buy a motorcycle lol do u know where i can find a good one

yamaha: ur not gonna believe this

— randy (@randypaint) January 26, 2021

harry: [uses magic off school grounds literally one time]

ministry of magic: send an owl this instant. expel him from school

voldemort: [freely uses killing curse to commit wand murder]

ministry of magic: dang lol wish we could find that guy

— randy (@randypaint) October 26, 2020

i feel bad for boomers. their parents taught them rules like “wearing a hat at the dinner table is rude” and they were too stupid to be like what that makes no fucking sense at all

— randy (@randypaint) February 28, 2020

ron weasley: i have to use old books

harry potter: wow

ron: and torn up shitty clothes

harry: yuck lol

ron: would be crazy if my best friend had a vault full of gold and could maybe help me out a little

harry: ya lmao that would be crazy

— randy (@randypaint) January 3, 2020

ron: i broke the rules

mrs. weasley: unbelievable ur a fucken pathetic excuse of a son-

harry: i was there too and i helped

mrs. weasley: omg u helped that’s so sweet lol do u want a sweater

— randy (@randypaint) January 18, 2020

dumbledore: why r u mean to harry

snape: his mom friendzoned me

dumbledore: lmao ok thats fair

snape:

dumbledore: so did hermione’s mom friendzone u too or

— randy (@randypaint) August 4, 2020

game of thrones writers: here’s some white walkers in the first episode

me: oh boy i bet they’re important

game of thrones writers: lmao. no.

— randy (@randypaint) January 12, 2020

nwa: fuck the police

white people: what the fuck

eminem: i’m gonna kill my wife and then my mom too, probably

white people: lmao ok this slaps

— randy (@randypaint) April 14, 2020

rose: yes, i was on the titanic

guy: okay, where is this diamond

rose: first i’m gonna tell u about this boy

guy: can u just tell us where the-

rose: best sex of my life. easily.

— randy (@randypaint) February 14, 2020