just learned that they put your last name on a pet’s prescription which means there are pharmacists out there who went to school for years just to dispense Zoloft to a Meatball Williams

— thomas 🍌 (@perfectsweeties) April 15, 2024

nightmares are so embarrassing bro like u literally made up a guy and got scared of him

— thomas 🍌 (@perfectsweeties) December 8, 2023

elon musk wakes up and blinks dirt out of his eyes. he crawls his way to the surface, his pale form leaving a slimy residue in his wake. he grasps for a notebook. “genius ideas from a genius” is scribbled across the front. he writes “make wheel more rounder?” and smiles. so smart

— thomas 🍌 (@perfectsweeties) November 18, 2022