Kids be like it’s bedtime lemme just tell you a 45 minute story about a waterfall and then I have to poop.

— @itssherifield (@itssherifield) October 17, 2024

My daughter asked if she could get a sign for her room that said bitch boulevard and even though I found it quite fitting I still said no.

— @itssherifield (@itssherifield) August 20, 2024

My son said if a baby comes out feet first technically it wears its mom as a hat and I can’t unsee this.

— @itssherifield (@itssherifield) May 13, 2024

9: Mom were you born in the 1900’s?

Me: How dare you. Also yes.

— @itssherifield (@itssherifield) February 7, 2024

Kids will have napkins on their laps and then wipe shit everywhere else except the napkin.

— @itssherifield (@itssherifield) February 6, 2024

My daughter asked me if tv was in black and white when I was born in the 1900s so if anyone needs her she’ll be in her room til June.

— @itssherifield (@itssherifield) February 1, 2024

My ex asked me if I was watching any good shows lately and I said yea a great one called Why Women Kill.

— @itssherifield (@itssherifield) January 19, 2024

When I was in college our house got robbed. My roommate took the cops to my room and they said wow they trashed this room and she said no that’s just how she lives. I think about that sometimes.

— @itssherifield (@itssherifield) January 17, 2024

I woke up my daughter for school and she said I hate everything so I think she’s ready for adulthood now.

— @itssherifield (@itssherifield) October 3, 2023

I wish my kids gave me the respect that they give their stuffed animals.

— @itssherifield (@itssherifield) October 29, 2022