I can’t really explain it, but the second half of the alphabet is more exciting than the first.

— Jason, ex Inferis (@benedictsred) July 25, 2024

If I have a crush on you, just know that I’ve fantasized about grocery shopping together.

— Jason, ex Inferis (@benedictsred) April 17, 2024

Every time we have an eclipse, I hear someone say, “This won’t happen again for another 150 years,” but then the shit happens every year and a half.

— Jason, ex Inferis (@benedictsred) March 30, 2024

Only god can leave me a Google review.

— Jason, ex Inferis (@benedictsred) March 14, 2023

I don’t have a dream girl. I’m haunted by the memory of a sandwich from the past that set an impossible standard for all future sandwiches.

— Jason, ex Inferis (@benedictsred) December 3, 2023

“Long live THE KING!” pic.twitter.com/6Hyb83Nc3q

— Jason, ex Inferis (@benedictsred) April 30, 2023