[women are lonely]: well, women just need to lower their standards, change themselves, and put other people's needs first

[men are lonely]: well, women just need to lower their standards, change themselves, and put other people's needs first

— Janel Comeau (@VeryBadLlama) October 20, 2024

oh so when Moo Deng bites people and falls over she's "a social media sensation" but when I do it I am "bringing a weird energy to my coworker's gender reveal party"

— Janel Comeau (@VeryBadLlama) October 5, 2024

"childless woman" is such an 19th-century-ass insult. what else you got. do I render inferior tallow? do my cabbages grow pale and blemished? does the quality of my sock-darning bring shame upon my father's name?

— Janel Comeau (@VeryBadLlama) August 1, 2024

the biggest problem we'd face in a zombie apocalypse wouldn't be the people hiding zombie bites, it would be the people who informed their employer they'd been bitten and got told "we still need you to come in and work your shift until you turn"

— Janel Comeau (@VeryBadLlama) January 12, 2022

I got about 8 seconds into explaining the Kate Middleton situation to my French husband before he told me, in the Frenchest voice imaginable, "ah yes, that's why we decided not to have those sorts of people anymore"

— Janel Comeau (@VeryBadLlama) March 14, 2024

dear diary, it has been 437 days since my husband disappeared under mysterious circumstances. alas, I am unable to inform the police, for I am a mere woman. pic.twitter.com/29AlruZfOY

— Janel Comeau (@VeryBadLlama) March 1, 2024

when everyone switches over to separate Mastodon servers pic.twitter.com/EHY9md6SW6

— Janel Comeau (@VeryBadLlama) November 6, 2022

the nice thing about my ADHD is that if my apartment is haunted I will literally never notice it

“silly me, always leaving these cupboards and drawers open and the sink running at full blast,” I say, as a frustrated ghost screams into a pillow in the corner

— Janel Comeau (@VeryBadLlama) October 30, 2022

learning French has really encouraged me to live in the moment because I currently cannot conjugate any other verb tense

— Janel Comeau (@VeryBadLlama) May 8, 2021