“Want me to tell you how to murder someone and get away with it?”

—my 9yo, making conversation at lunch. At a restaurant. In public.

— Lil Bit 🌈 (@LizerReal) October 12, 2024

We're walking to the cemetery because my 9yo wants to "write down all the names of the dead people." What?!

She's brought a pen and paper.

No clue where this is going, but I'm gonna post updates.

— Lil Bit 🌈 (@LizerReal) March 24, 2024

Apparently my 9yo daughter's imaginary friend is the ghost of an 8yo girl named Rose who died of the bubonic plague 200 years ago and I’m sure this is a completely normal developmental stage……..

— Lil Bit 🌈 (@LizerReal) February 24, 2024

My 9yo made friends with a new student in class who doesn’t speak English. She’s FaceTiming her new friend and they are currently pointing to things around our houses teaching each other how to speak in English and Spanish 🥹 It’s the cutest little conversation y’all.

— Lil Bit 🌈 (@LizerReal) February 17, 2024

Y'all, I'm a teletherapist and my dog just popped up in session looking all professional and shit pic.twitter.com/sbsooJOWzf

— Lil Bit 🌈 (@LizerReal) April 22, 2023

inviting my enemies over for dinner so they can wash their hands in the "death sink" pic.twitter.com/udwGjihTgW

— Lil Bit 🌈 (@LizerReal) April 27, 2022

FBI guy monitoring my camera: boss, I don’t want to do this anymore. She’s doing that thing again. Can I be reassigned?

Me: *hour three of using sock puppets to act out childhood rejections*

— Lil Bit 🌈 (@LizerReal) October 13, 2020