There's a bit of sadness when you're at a restaurant and the food isn't delivered by Your Server.

"and who ordered the Alfredo?"

You don't know us at all. Jenny would know. Jenny would know who ordered the Alfredo.

— Kyle 🌱 (@KylePlantEmoji) September 7, 2024

I wish I had better posture

"Here are some exercises th-"

I don't WANT to do exercises. I WANT to be put in some sort of DEVICE or CONTRAPTION, that upon tightening the screws, affixes my spine into a configuration most pleasing

— Kyle 🌱 (@KylePlantEmoji) August 22, 2024

Boomers: kids these days don't know what books are 😂😂

Gen Z: we're literally using the same textbooks you had. My math book references West Germany.

— Kyle 🌱 (@KylePlantEmoji) November 6, 2019

I love games like the Sims and animal crossing like "imagine how you could decorate a home if you had money"

— Kyle 🌱 (@KylePlantEmoji) February 19, 2021

Saying that wearing a mask during a pandemic is "living in fear" is like saying that using oven mitts means you're "afraid" of the oven

— Kyle 🌱 (@KylePlantEmoji) August 22, 2020

Freud: what if our trauma informs how we navigate the world

Me: wow, that's a good p-

Freud: like how women are traumatized by not having a penis

Me: that's not really

Freud: and you know every dude wants to fuck their mom?

Me: ok so a lot of assumptions are being made here

— Kyle 🌱 (@KylePlantEmoji) March 8, 2020

Dinosaur Scientist: so uhhh, there's a pretty big asteroid that we should do something about

Dinosaur CEO: would fixing it help my profits?

Scientist: … Not exactly

[Later]

Dinosaur Politician: the asteroid is a hoax made up by Dinosaur China

— Kyle 🌱 (@KylePlantEmoji) June 17, 2019

Me: hey remember when you made me change your water because you got a little of your food in it?

My dog, actively drinking out of a puddle: yeah why what's up?

— Kyle 🌱 (@KylePlantEmoji) August 20, 2019

Your dragon name is your first name + "the dragon"

Mine is Kyle the dragon

— Kyle 🌱 (@KylePlantEmoji) August 3, 2019

Her: remember Jimmy Neutron?

Me: yeah, but I haven't seen it in years

Her: what was the super hero the nerdy kid loved?

Me: ultra lord, and his name was Sheen

Her: yes, thank you. When's my birthday?

Me:

Her: when's my birthday Kyle

Me:

Me: happy b-

Her: it was yesterday

— Kyle 🌱 (@KylePlantEmoji) July 17, 2019