My 5yo was trying to convince me to do something and said “if you don’t do it I’m gonna go to my room and go to sleep!” Not the threat she thought it was

— Average Dad (@Average_Dad1) July 2, 2024

5 year old: poop and chocolate look alike but there are some important differences

Truly wise beyond her years

— Average Dad (@Average_Dad1) April 9, 2024

Caught my 5yo sneaking around after bedtime carrying a set of 2lb dumbbells back to her room

Me: uh hey kid, whatcha doing?

5: Dad. I need strength. For the night.

— Average Dad (@Average_Dad1) February 21, 2024

Every time I have a kid my dad powers increase and my sneezes get louder. I feel like thanos collecting the infinity stones

— Average Dad (@Average_Dad1) May 28, 2021