[Me as a hitman]
ME: It’s done.

HIM: *Whispers* What? No it’s not, I’m in the kitchen with him right now!

ME: *Smugly* I erroneously informed him a high-sugar diet wouldn’t be detrimental to his health. He’ll be lucky if he makes it another 30 years.

— MehGyver (@AndrewNadeau0) March 23, 2019