Our selection of funny EN tweets from December
Hello and welcome to the 3rd edition of the Countwer, our monthly selection of funny tweets in English.
Let’s start by learning something that may change your life
so apparently the numbers on the toaster are minutes? ive thought for years it was degree of toasty-ness
— rob (@robmhan) December 2, 2014
Ok, now you’re ready for this torture topic
Before you marry a person you should first make them use a computer with slow internet to see who they really are.
— Chris Rock (@ozchrisrock) December 11, 2014
It’s interesting how the ads on Youtube never have trouble buffering.
— Bill Murray (@BiIIMurray) December 13, 2014
In Hell, you can't give crying babies back to their parents
— Envy Da Tropic (@envydatropic) December 20, 2014
"Does torture work?" as a question needs to be put in the bin with "Is slavery commercially feasible?" & "Can genocide help overpopulation?"
— Hend (@LibyaLiberty) December 10, 2014
Ebola was 2014's most popular U.S. Facebook topic. The World Cup was 6th. So in America, even ebola's more popular than soccer. #fallonmono
— jimmy fallon (@jimmyfallon) December 11, 2014
December = Christmas…
Calls ghost busters to get rid of the Christmas spirit
— Just Jane (@jdforshort) December 22, 2014
You know you're unpopular when everyone gives yiy a joint birthday and Christmas present and your birthday's in July.
— Adam Bloom (@adambloomie2) December 25, 2014
CHRISTMAS DRINKING GAME Place a Santa hat on the corner of your TV and every time someone wears it… DRINK pic.twitter.com/maUoKcvi2K
— Ross Hammond (@RossGraphitas) December 5, 2014
Apparently, a burger is more popular than Harry Style
— Harry Styles. (@Harry_Styles) January 1, 2015
— Burger. (@Burgerperiod) January 1, 2015
… and Happy New Year !
new years resolution: get rich or cry tryin
— tina (@tinatbh) December 29, 2014
The Australians have been tired of hearing "happy new year" for like 4 days now
— FistFullOfMcMuffins (@Matt_The_1st) January 1, 2015
So my (beloved!) ex-boyfriend's apartment caught fire this year, which was very sad, but Facebook made it worth it. pic.twitter.com/AvU8ifazXa
— Julieanne Smolinski (@BoobsRadley) December 29, 2014
And let’s finish this Countwer with a zapping
There's no way to prove that all murders aren't just time travelers killing future Hitlers
— Megan Amram (@meganamram) December 1, 2014
[During Interview] "Do you have any questions?" - Yeah, inTitanic why did Jack sink when he died but everyone else floated?
— Jamie Lynn (@Jay_FrickinLynn) December 14, 2014
.@RockstarGames Help plz.. a cop just killed my GTA V character even though he is white. Possible glitch?
— Rob DenBleyker (@RobDenBleyker) December 4, 2014
I'm guessing everyone in the left lane has seen Final Destination: pic.twitter.com/oUQww5WkDS
— Not Will Ferrell (@itsWillyFerrell) December 1, 2014
"If anyone knows a reason why these two should not marry, speak n-" SHE THOUGHT GANDALF & DUMBLEDORE WERE THE SAME PERSON *priest vomits*
— ❄️Matt❄️ (@matt___nelson) December 21, 2014
I've probably spent a solid year of my life just staring into the refrigerator
— ToMATTo. (@HeyMatthewBK) December 31, 2014
A don't drink and drive advert from 1972. Seriously? Yes seriously! pic.twitter.com/tmwuqdGP6e
— Brilliant Ads (@Brilliant_Ads) December 11, 2014
I was the Wikipedia of my school. People expected me to help with their homework, but completely ignored my constant requests for money.
— Sixth Form Poet (@sixthformpoet) December 31, 2014
I'm dangerous. Because I'm honest.
— Big Poppa (@good__times) December 31, 2014
*opens twitter* pic.twitter.com/CBbdj7I1Ld
— *opens twįtter* (@iopentweet) December 1, 2014
The year is 2246. Disease and hunger have been eradicated. The terraforming of Mars is complete. The symbol for Save is still a floppy disk.
— Damien Owens (@OwensDamien) December 28, 2014
A rare photo of Vladimir Putin from when he worked as an informant for Starsky and Hutch. pic.twitter.com/yf7UxfBMqf
— Andre Golo (@AndreGoLow) December 9, 2014
If you missed the 1st and 2nd edition of ze Countwer, you can :