always humbling that plants that survived whatever killed the dinosaurs cannot survive two weeks under my care
— stoned cold fox (@roastmalone_) March 17, 2024
Kate Middleton hasn’t been seen for about 2 months now pic.twitter.com/NN1GqBD6PD
— stoned cold fox (@roastmalone_) February 27, 2024
Christmas decor isn’t meant to be sleek and minimalist it is supposed to look like joy threw up in your house
— stoned cold fox (@roastmalone_) November 14, 2023
crackin a cold one with the boys after fucking up a golf course https://t.co/9ChJtswo0Z pic.twitter.com/EcR9qvhNeE
— stoned cold fox (@roastmalone_) October 23, 2023
who cares trump isn’t even the first actor from home alone 2 to have his mugshot released pic.twitter.com/x5ekU46Khz
— stoned cold fox (@roastmalone_) August 25, 2023
I always set two wake up alarms, one for the person I want to be and one for the person I am
— stoned cold fox (@roastmalone_) September 28, 2022
If I was a realtor and had buyers I didn’t like once they closed I’d tell them I think they’re so brave for buying a haunted house.
— stoned cold fox (@roastmalone_) March 25, 2022
I wasted my hottest years believing I was not hot
— stoned cold fox (@roastmalone_) April 23, 2021