Netflix needs to stop asking if I'm still watching and start asking if I moved the laundry to the dryer yet.

— mariana Z (@mariana057) November 7, 2023

Did you know, if you lose a sock in the dryer, it comes back as a Tupperware lid, that doesn't fit any of your containers.

— mariana Z (@mariana057) November 4, 2023

I taught my kids about democracy tonight by having them vote on which movie to watch and pizza to order.

I then picked the movie and pizza because I'm the one with the money.

— mariana Z (@mariana057) December 9, 2022

So I was walking down the road this morning and first got hit by a violin, then a clarinet and then a piano.

I think it was an orchestrated attack.

— mariana Z (@mariana057) November 30, 2022

My pal asked me where he could meet women who scream loudly in bed?

So, I took him to a maternity ward…

— mariana Z (@mariana057) November 24, 2022

My wife and I laugh at how competitive
we are.

But I laugh more.

— mariana Z🇺🇦🇺🇦🇺🇦 (@mariana057) October 24, 2022

My son Luke loves that we named our children after Star Wars characters.

My daughter Chewbacca, not so much.

— mariana Z🇺🇦🇺🇦🇺🇦 (@mariana057) October 16, 2022

Is it just me, or does no one disappear in the Bermuda Triangle anymore?

— mariana Z (@mariana057) October 8, 2021