how trash were criminals in the 1800s to ever get caught, u could do double murder, grow a beard then move to the next town over and live peacefully forever

— first-mate prance (@bocxtop) November 30, 2021

don’t understand ppl who are productive during the weekend, weekends are for feeling weird and wondering if ur friends hate u

— first-mate prance (@bocxtop) October 10, 2021

a bored caveman rubbed two sticks together until it lit up now i gotta do battle with excel from 9am to 5pm everyday

— first-mate prance (@bocxtop) August 18, 2021

there’s no way landlord should be considered an actual job “oh ur a doctor? nice i threaten ppl poorer than me with homelessness and never fix the shower”

— first-mate prance (@bocxtop) May 6, 2021

netflix be hiring writers who have literally never had a normal conversation with anyone ever

— first-mate prance (@bocxtop) February 26, 2021

you’re not “suffering” you just haven’t had sex in a month and without that validation ur starting to focus on your deepest held insecurities

— first-mate prance (@bocxtop) April 15, 2020