hello this is important pic.twitter.com/mltRf24CEC

— Laurazepam (@andlikelaura) November 30, 2023

being an adult is saying things like, “im gonna treat myself,” and buy an electric toothbrush

— Laurazepam (@andlikelaura) January 28, 2022

boss: we need you to come into the office next week

me, hasn’t been in the office since march: *googling* how lose 10lbs 2 days

— Laurazepam (@andlikelaura) November 14, 2020

[harry potter at work]

coworker: harry is it true when you were 14 you faced off against a dragon to get an egg

harry: yes a hungarian horn-

coworker: too hard to put on a mask at work though, ok

— Laurazepam (@andlikelaura) June 23, 2020

[harry potter at work]

Colleague: when you were in school you killed a giant snake thing, right?

Harry: a basilisk, yes

Colleague: can’t even edit a google doc though, yikes *sips coffee*

— Laurazepam (@andlikelaura) April 5, 2019

[harry potter at work]

Coworker: i hear you can make a glowy animal shoot out of your wand

Harry: a patronus, yes. it’s a stag

Coworker: cool can you tell your fancy fuckin deer to clean the microwave your soup splattered everywhere

— Laurazepam (@andlikelaura) June 4, 2019

Aragorn: you have my sword

Legolas: and you have my bow

Gimli: and my axe

Nice guy: and my undying love for you

Nice guy: wow left me on read?whatever you’re fat anyway

— Laurazepam (@andlikelaura) February 16, 2019

Friend: look at this pic of my baby

My brain: wow he’s got a big head

Me: wow he’s got a big head does he tip over a lot

— Laurazepam (@andlikelaura) February 10, 2019