[After leaving Willy Wonka’s factory]
WIFE: Lot of deaths for a to—
ME: A LOT of deaths for a tour!
— Andrew Nadeau (@TheAndrewNadeau) January 23, 2019
Asking all my friends for advice until I find one stupid enough to agree with the dumb thing I already did.
— Andrew Nadeau (@TheAndrewNadeau) February 16, 2021
dumbledore: hey I’m the most powerful wizard in the world but this 11-year-old is now in charge of saving us from magic hitler
literally everyone else: ok
— Andrew Nadeau (@TheAndrewNadeau) February 9, 2021
Starting a True Crime podcast but I didn’t want to research a bunch of crimes so I’m just committing my own.
— MehGyver (@TheAndrewNadeau) September 12, 2019
I’m not buying a tree this year I’m just waiting until it’s my living room’s turn for the monolith to appear and decorating it really fast.
— MehGyver (@TheAndrewNadeau) December 4, 2020
love seeing trump supporters devastated by this because literally the only thing they lost is the ability to be publicly racist
— MehGyver (@TheAndrewNadeau) November 8, 2020
The size of the gates in Jurassic Park suggests they were always planning on letting the dinosaurs out.
— MehGyver (@TheAndrewNadeau) August 17, 2020
DUMBLEDORE: Hogwarts is the safest place in the world.
EVERY TEACHER: Another kid got murdered.
DUMBLEDORE: “AnOthEr KiD gOt MurDerEd.” That’s you. That’s what you sound like.
— MehGyver (@TheAndrewNadeau) July 31, 2020
The year is 2030. Bakery art is so realistic, literally anything could be cake. The uncertainty has gripped the world in fear. I go to hug my wife for comfort. She is cake.
— MehGyver (@TheAndrewNadeau) July 9, 2020
INTERVIEWER: Tell me one of your weaknesses.
ME: I sometimes mistake professional behavior for flirting.
INTERVIEWER: There is zero chance we’d ever hire someone with that issue.
ME: Listen, I’m flattered, but I’m married.
— MehGyver (@TheAndrewNadeau) February 29, 2020