I always choose the “buy now, pay later” option with the hope I’ll be dead by the time the bill arrives.

— Rodney Lacroix (@RodLacroix) February 15, 2024

Instead of saying “Good morning,” my wife and I go straight into explanations of how badly we each slept.

— Rodney Lacroix (@RodLacroix) February 1, 2024

Me: My wife got me a telescope for Christmas.

Neighbor: Nice. I got-

Me: I know. I watched you guys open everything.

— Rodney Lacroix (@RodLacroix) December 26, 2023

There needs to be a scientific study on why kids complain about having to take a shower and then spend three hours in it.

— Rodney Lacroix (@RodLacroix) December 3, 2023

I’m at the age where I see a huge, beautiful mansion in a movie and think, “How much does it cost to heat that house in the winter?”

— Rodney Lacroix (@RodLacroix) November 11, 2023

[6 AM]

Child [coming out of bedroom]: Is an orange named after the color or is the color named after the fruit?

Me [rubbing temples]: it is way too early for this

— Rodney Lacroix (@RodLacroix) October 29, 2023

Wife and I are at the age where we have a bunch of shows that we can’t watch until the kids go to bed, but by the time they go to bed we’re too tired to watch them.

— Rodney Lacroix (@RodLacroix) September 10, 2023

[6 AM]

Child [coming out of bedroom]: Do you think Lightning McQueen has car insurance or life insurance?

Me [rubbing temples]: it is way too early for this

— Rodney Lacroix (@RodLacroix) January 15, 2023

Child: I learned a joke at school.
Me: Ok let’s hear it.
Child: What goes in stiff but comes out soft?
Me:
Child:
Me:
Child:
Me: Is it a-
Wife [running in from other room]: SPAGHETTI IT’S SPAGHETTI

— Rodney Lacroix (@RodLacroix) October 25, 2022

Child [coming out of bedroom]: can you keep it down please I'm trying to sleep

Me [muting Zoom]: I'm in a meeting

Child [unmuting me]: can you guys keep it down please I'm trying to sleep

— Rodney Lacroix (@RodLacroix) July 19, 2021