The best tweets of October 2015
Let’s start with some LOVE.
Stevie Wonder is getting a divorce. You gotta be doing a lot of shit wrong for a nigga who's never seen you, to never want to see you again.
— paul sample (@paulbensamp) October 6, 2015
Therapist: Tell me about your mother Me: Well, when I was 6 she– Therapist: Woah woah, fast forward a few years. What's her phone number?
— Sean Leahy (@thepunningman) October 9, 2015
Romeo: O, speak again, bright angel! for thou art as glorious to this night, being o'er my head. Me: I SAID, ARE WE GONNA FUCK OR WHAT?
— Flannery (@imdaintyaf) October 31, 2015
plot twist Adele’s ex is Drake and they’ve been singing about each other for years
— abdul (@Advil) October 24, 2015
A pinch of movies
please just give this man an oscar before he kills himself pic.twitter.com/HFZqRgPSEn
— Weyland-Konami (@thatsnotkosher) October 19, 2015
— Olly Gibbs (@ollyog) October 18, 2015
BUILDING INSPECTOR: what's this called DARTH VADER: the death— [inspector's eyes look up from his clipboard] DARTH VADER: uh the health star
— Bob Vulfov (@bobvulfov) October 15, 2015
If this – and nothing else – was the trailer for a folk horror film, I would instantly go to a cinema & watch it. pic.twitter.com/8akg7WU0iD
— Tom Cox (@cox_tom) October 5, 2015
What if Princesses from Disney were DIFFERENT ?
This Is What Disney Princesses Would Look Like If They Were Articles From A Terrible Website pic.twitter.com/CItz9ZT6Xr
— 140.85 (@immolations) October 28, 2015
Here's What It Would Look Like If Disney Princesses Were Tried For War Crimes In The Nuremberg Trials pic.twitter.com/uUs82SXKfQ
— leon (@leyawn) October 29, 2015
Donald Trump was very popular in October, we wonder why…
the donald trumpkin pic.twitter.com/nqPRIAR68G
— rt who u wanna fight (@fightgoals) October 14, 2015
— Emily Fajardo (@emilyjfajardo) October 23, 2015
My mam told me to make the house scary for Halloween pic.twitter.com/7gYBkzkfhJ
— Christian Tierney (@_CTierney) October 29, 2015
But then again, other costumes were available.
I'd be more excited for Halloween if I hadn't already spent all the other days of the year dressing like a slut and scaring children
— Asa Akira (@AsaAkira) October 26, 2015
My moms Halloween costume? gtgggg pic.twitter.com/9HgF5iIOZz
— steph (@Stephanie_mileo) October 30, 2015
— Sarah Andersen (@SarahCAndersen) October 31, 2015
Dunno about you but I'm at a party with a guy who's come as a Nintendo 64 cartridge pic.twitter.com/iZpz5ODLfQ
— tsouni (@inuost) October 17, 2015
Scariest Halloween pumpkin ever pic.twitter.com/suYtol35iM
— Relatable Quotes (@RelatableQuote) October 21, 2015
Twitter has a love/hate relationship with animals.
If you were having a bad day just watch this ? pic.twitter.com/KeVEdEyk38
— Sassy Animals (@SassyAnimalPics) October 28, 2015
*loads catapult* e e E o E w E M
— Little Greenis (@DurtMcHurtt) October 30, 2015
I've got a really important presentation on Monday and a story to write, so I built a cardboard theatre for my cat. pic.twitter.com/uKONjDc3G8
— Samuel Pinney (@GinBroguesHats) October 17, 2015
Reporter: How do you feel about all this? Man in windshield: I just wanted to say I'm vegan. pic.twitter.com/kclqJ3AsjG
— Orange shirt guy (@awkwardphilippe) October 15, 2015
Fashion is getting weirder and weirder
— WORLDSTARHIPHOP (@WORLDSTAR) October 1, 2015
Barber: What you want bro? Guy: You ever eat a panini? Barber: Say no more fam pic.twitter.com/RoBJYRjlTj
— Theau (@Arnaud_Palmer) October 9, 2015
Oh, what you can do when you play with words !
Anagrams: Governor Jeb Bush Hungover jobbers Ben Carson Boner scan Senator Ted Cruz To crazed unrest Donald Trump Tan Dumplord
— Parker Molloy (@ParkerMolloy) October 20, 2015
Words that could be so much more exciting than they are: 1) Space bar 2) Interobang 3) Wolfgang 4) Drugstore 5) Shoplifting 6) Meantime
— Sophia Benoit (@1followernodad) October 27, 2015
Imagine if last names were invented now, so instead of “Smith” and “Baker,” we had “Frontenddeveloper” and “Socialmediaconsultant.”
— Tim Morgan (@riscfuture) October 30, 2015
Story structure. pic.twitter.com/9ILH91slRl
— Graeme Ing (@GraemeIng) October 22, 2015
Oh my god. Mind blown. pic.twitter.com/N5bJ5BTghZ
— Torts Reform (@derdrache) October 3, 2015
But don’t play with food.
just caught myself reading an article about bacon causing cancer while smoking a cigarette and thinking "THATS IT NO MORE BACON". eh.
— el-p (@therealelp) October 26, 2015
"Ok folks who ordered the macaroni & bees?" "you mean cheese?" [waiter struggling to keep bowl covered] "that does make more sense actually"
— Fred Delicious (@Fred_Delicious) October 18, 2015
— Liam Austen (@_thewatchtrick) October 27, 2015
This is the best nutrition advice ever. pic.twitter.com/dYCub5qIUk
— Vasu (@vasudevan_k) October 11, 2015
A little bouquet final just for you.
this is the same species that split the atom and sent a probe to pluto pic.twitter.com/IgOQ3tvca9
— Luke Bailey (@imbadatlife) October 11, 2015
Me: why don't we have better gun control? Person: Guns don't kill people, Planned Parenthood kills people Me: Ah yes, you're the reason why
— ♡ Man Who Loves U ♡ (@SortaBad) October 1, 2015
"Jim, we love the skeletons" "Thanks boss" "Just one thing…" "Oh?" "We need to be *really* clear they're not gay" pic.twitter.com/CRenlkglUj
— we can ＂do it＂ 😉 (@lizduckchong) October 11, 2015
I'm getting worried, my boomerang should have been back hours ago
— shut up, mike (@shutupmikeginn) October 6, 2015
When I read people having a little tantrum on Twitter this is all I see pic.twitter.com/AJT3b86PwG
— Dom Peppiatt (@DomPeppiatt) October 19, 2015
√2: I wish I had never been born! *slams door* π: Me, too, I hate you guys! *slams door* Me: Ugh, these kids are so irrational!
— Flannery (@imdaintyaf) October 29, 2015
Son: "Mom, Dad.. I'm gay" Mom: *staring at dad Dad: …*clenches fists Mom: …don't! Dad: *sweats profusely Mom: Dad: HI GAY, IM DAD
— Guy Dangerous (@Lerky) October 24, 2015
*Halloween 1981* Voldemort: Knock Knock James: Who's there? Voldemort: You know James: You know who? Voldemort: AYYYY! Avada Kedavra!
— Hogwarts Logic (@HogwartsLogic) October 31, 2015
— Lee Beattie (@leebeattie) October 30, 2015